dustofstars | don't let me go;

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with: unhappilyeverafter

don't let me go;

The shock of seeing Marian again had blinded Robin to everything else for just a moment. It was as though time had completely frozen, and it was only the two of them, the way he'd once wished it could have been for the rest of their lives. But Marian had died.

She was supposed to be dead, and that was a difficult thought to reconcile. So long ago, he would have given anything to be with her again, but now that she was here, the thought wrapping around his mind was that she shouldn't be here. It shouldn't have been possible. He might not know everything about magic, but a part of him realized there had to be consequences for this.

His thoughts quickly shifted to Regina, though, and the tears in her eyes didn't escape his notice. He kissed Marian's forehead again, then stepped back, reaching for Regina's hand. He would have to sort things out with Marian separately, but for now, he just needed Regina to know that it wasn't as simple as going back to his wife. His heart was divided, and already shattering with the weight of it all.

"Regina..."

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Regina was still glaring at Emma the moment she felt Robin's hand touch hers. She flinched slightly, blinking back her tears and barely allowing herself to look at him.

Her fingers clenched tighter to make it harder for him to hold her hand, and she felt her heart do the same. Everything had fallen apart, everything had been ruined, all because Emma Swan didn't think of the consequences.

"Don't," she said quietly, her voice tight against its tremble. She didn't want this, she didn't want any part of this moment to happen, but it was all happening around her, she had to escape it, and without another word, her hands flew up and she disappeared in a swirl of purple smoke, gone from the diner and reappearing somewhere where she could properly let her emotions release

He knew the moment those walls went back up, and Robin wondered how difficult it would be now to get through to her again. There was the other matter of his wife suddenly being very much alive again, which he didn't know at all how to deal with. Marian could tell by the anguish in his eyes the moment Regina left, and she whispered to him, asking him if they were together.

He didn't want to hurt Marian, he didn't want to hurt anyone, but he also couldn't let Regina walk away not knowing where he stood.

Despite not knowing where she went, exactly, he told Roland he'd be back soon, kissed Marian's forehead, and just ran out of the diner, calling out Regina's name.

Regina had materialised as far as her magic could take her within Storybrooke, into the depths of the forest, not far from the town line. Here, it was its most quietest, and ironically, the place Robin tended to find her. In the darkness of the trees, she felt some strange comfort, away from the town, away from anybody who could see the tears in her eyes.

Alone, she could feel this way, and let the harsh exterior fall aside. Because she was devastated, devastated that once again it had come to this - her losing everything because some foolish girl couldn't think things through. And now she'd lost the second love of her life, a love she truly thought would last.

After several long moments yielded nothing, it occurred to Robin that she might go into the woods, into the secret places they'd shared together. It was familiar to her, and perhaps a comfort of some sort. He was breathless as he ran, searching for her desperately because he feared she might do something irrational.

Finally, he spotted her and his steps slowed until he finally came to a halt.

"Regina..."

The moment she heard her name spoken, she knew she should've expected this. Her eyes closed at the sound of his voice, a sound that had once brought joy to her, was now only bringing her pain. Swallowing down her tears, she strengthened her voice, speaking without looking back.

"Shouldn't you be with your wife?"

There was a bitterness to those words that did nothing but hurt her and she grimaced the moment she said it. She looked down at her lap, focusing on pushing those emotions back, to act like this somehow didn't affect her.

Already, he was seeing shades of the woman he'd known in the Enchanted Forest, the woman who had put him at a distance and made it clear she didn't want anyone getting close to her. They'd circumvented that here in Storybrooke, probably aided by the fact that her son was at least close by where she could see him and know that he was safe.

Now, it seemed, she'd already put up a wall around her heart again, and Robin was desperate not to let it stay that way.

"I don't know where I should be, I only know where I want to be at the moment. With you."

Her head turned aside just slightly at that, a frown forming on her face. She couldn't quite believe that, and there was a doubtfully wry smile to her lips. "There's no need to pretend, Robin," she said quietly, words curt and precise in their speech. "I know you'd rather be with her."

And she didn't blame him for that. She really didn't. He had a chance to be with the one he had loved and lost, something she had been wishing for herself for a long, long time.

"You told me you'd walk through Hell to be with her again and, now... you don't have to."

It almost seemed that she thought the answer was obvious to him, that all of this was quite simple: Marian was back, and he would simply be with her now.

But he shook his head, his words firm when he spoke: "Regina, I've begun to fall in love with you. That's why there's no easy answer to any of this."

Regina had thought there was only one answer, an answer that didn't give her the happy ending. That's why when he spoke, her head turned just slightly, encouraged by the possibility of hope, but not quite convinced. Drawing her lips into a thin line, she straightened her head again, looking out into the forest and taking a steeling breath before she got to her feet.

"Oh, but there is," she confessed, a dry sort of laugh falling from her lips as she shook her head to herself, turning to face him. "Because you'll never speak to me again. Not once you find out what I did."

Because Regina had seen her face before, and now she knew where from. She'd captured and sentenced her to death a long time ago, a death Robin had mourned, unknowing he was falling in love with the woman who was responsible for it.

He was frowning so deeply that it was easy to make out every single line on his face for just a moment, his brows furrowed together as he let her words sink in for a moment.

"What don't I know already?"

He wasn't ignorant of the evil things she'd done in the past, not at all, but he wanted to move forward with her and not be perpetually trapped by things that had already happened and could never be changed.

It was this confession that would change everything. And either she could tell him, or Marian would. Either way, there was no escaping her past, and just as everyone had warned her, it would now destroy her future. Gathering herself up, she took a deep breath, straightening her head and shaking her dark hair from her eyes.

Looking at him, she stood silently for a moment, just looking at him and his face and wishing so much that she wasn't about to lose all of it. But she was. Because she always lost.

"Your wife. Marian. When I saw her in the diner, I recognised her," she paused for another breath, for the next words would hurt her hardest. "I recognised her.. because I'm the reason she's dead."

Her face held stern, eyes alight with her teeth and trembling as they dared not leave her eyelids. Her teeth her near gritted in her determination to not break, lips curling slightly as she tried to speak without crumbling.

"I had her executed. That's why you lost your wife, why Roland lost his mother."

She can't bear it, she can't even bear herself and she turned away from him, looking skyward as she let a few of those tears silently fall.

He wasn't sure how much time passed with nothing but silence exchanged between them. It felt as though a sharp spear had been shoved into his heart and twisted around a bit for good measure, and he couldn't even breathe for what felt like an eternity.

He loved this woman, the very woman standing before him now and confessing that she was responsible for the death of his wife.

The woman he loved had taken his Marian away, had robbed Roland of his mother.

He should have hated her the moment those words left her lips, but he couldn't, and he didn't know what kind of person that made him. Nothing in this mortal life could ever test him the way this was now. What kind of person was he if he left his wife to be with her executioner?

But it wasn't fair for any of them that Marian was suddenly here now. She wasn't supposed to be, and he'd already let go of her so many years ago. It wasn't her fault that time had been reset, but she didn't belong, and he hated that in the chaos of his thoughts, he wished she could simply be returned to the correct timeline, that things could be as they once were.

"You killed her?"

His voice was husky, heavy with emotion.

"And now she's...here, and she isn't supposed to be. I let go of her, and..."

Regina killed her.

"Why? Just tell me why."

Nothing could’ve prepared Regina for the look on his face, and it hurt so much, she had to close her eyes, turning her head away from him. She expected everything to fall apart in this moment, that she had driven the final wedge between them and their relationship was now nothing more than the fragments of her broken heart.

The heart he had once protected with his life.

Her eyes closed tighter still when he questioned her, hearing the pain in his voice and hating that she’d caused. Caused it so long ago, when she believed she could never be capable of love again. Even then, she was destroying happiness she could not yet touch.

“For the same reason I killed any of them,” she said hurriedly, emotions flinging out words before she coul control them. “Because she helped Snow White escape,” she whispered, with such a fierce tremble, one would think the Evil Queen had returned. But the emotions were for an entirely different reason, and the hatred was not for the Princess, but for herself.

The moment the words left his mouth, he wasn't entirely sure why he'd even asked. It was a rhetorical question, really; he knew why she'd done it, and now she'd simply confirmed it. The worst part was there wasn't any particular reason at all, nothing terrible that Marian had done, that any of them had done.

After it felt like an eternity had passed, Robin spoke softly, "You're not that person any longer. I saw for myself, the light magic you used to defeat Zelena. Your heart has changed."

In a way, he was saying these things mostly to himself, to convince himself of...something.

"Has it?" she asked, a sad laugh sounding through her tears. She shook her head, blinking skyward and letting those tears fall down her cheeks. "Because my heart feels exactly as it did back then." Broken. Empty. Devastated.

Taking a deep breath, she returned her gaze to Robin, to how he stood there, watching her, hoping for something she couldn't possibly understand. "It doesn't make any difference," she whispered. "You know who I am. You know what I did. You'll never look at me the same way again." The mere mention of that destroyed her all over again and she shook her head, having to look away from him to hide the tears that freshly fell. She was utterly heart broken.

Even though he had no reason to, Robin felt largely responsible for that pain he could see reflected in her eyes. He was utterly shattered by the conflicting feelings in his heart, the urge to hold her in his arms and assure her that all would be well, but at the same time, wanting to check on Marian.

"Why do you presume to know how I'll feel?"

Her words cut him to the core, but his love for her was undeniable, and it made him ache.

"How else could you possibly feel?" Regina asked him, shaking her head as she turned to look at him again, unable to fathom, not even for a moment, that it wouldn't change anything between them. As far as she was concerned, she lost Robin the moment Marian returned.

With a pained frown, Regina found herself turning away again, putting more distance between them. "Robin, please. Just go."

"Like my heart is in two pieces, with you and with...her," his voice broke without his permission, and he cleared his throat, though when he met her eyes, his gaze was steady and strong.

"If you truly want me to go, I will, but if you think for a moment that the choice I have to make is easy, you're wrong."

Regina shook her head slowly, not even turning back to look at him as she spoke in a low, emotional tremble. "Nothing about this is easy, Robin," she said quietly, feeling fresh tears fill her eyes, an anger overcoming her at how much more of this wretchedness she was supposed to take.

She laughed to herself, weakly, dryly, a smile that meant nothing. "Oh, and I really thought I could be happy," she said, her own voice breaking, as she continued to laugh at her own stupidity. How could she have been so naive to think she would even get her happy ending?

It wasn't fair for any of them if Robin were to follow Regina and take her into his arms the way he desperately wanted to. He wouldn't deny that he'd been overjoyed to see Marian, the emotions surging up and wrapping around his heart tightly enough that he felt he couldn't even breathe with the utter joy of it all.

But despite all of that, what he wanted more than anything right now was to feel Regina in his arms once more, to know the softness of her lips again. It felt wholly selfish and terrible, but he knew of no better way to soothe the ache in his heart, and to comfort her, to assure her that he had fallen in love.

He didn't know what choice to make, though, and it would be irresponsible to do what he desperately wanted to.

"I beg of you not to lose hope, Regina. Please. I will find my way back to you."

She wanted to believe it. So badly did she want to believe all was not lost, but she couldn't see it any other way. He could't have both of them, not in the way he wanted, and she can't see how he would ever choose her over his family. Right now, he might not want to lose her, but in time, he would make his choice, and for as much as it broke her heart, she knew it was the right one to make. She couldn't ever blame him for doing something she would.

Turning to look at him, the sight of him hurt her as much as it lifted her, and slowly she stepped towards him, keeping those tearful eyes fixed on his. Shine, they might, but they were still strong, a woman who had taken far worse beatings than this.

She said nothing as she brought her hand up to touch the side of his face, a gentle shake to her fingers as she tried to keep those emotions intact. She loved him, but she had to let him go.

He knew what she was saying in that touch, and his heart was shattered with the weight of it, the burden and pain they both had to carry around. Neither of them could be granted the luxury of being blissfully unaware, which was what he longed for most of all. No, they had to face it head-on, and he truly didn't know the right answer. Part of him hoped Marian might realize his heart belonged with Regina, that she might insist he go with her.

Covering her hand with his, Robin's eyes closed as he breathed her in, nuzzling against her hand and kissing her palm tenderly.

It hurts, it so terribly hurts when he kisses at her palm, and it takes all her strength not to burst into tears all over again. Her eyes close at the sight of him caressing her so lovingly, hardly bearing to see that which she had surely lost. Slowly, painfully, she begins to pull her hand away from his, closing those fingers delicately together.

"Thank you, Robin," she says softly, a moment of honesty for the chance she'd been given.

He shouldn't, he's an honorable man who cares deeply for his wife. That will never change. And yet, he loves Regina, he loves her. That love is real, it's present, it pulses like a fire in his heart, and he can't bear the thought of walking away from her, of never again knowing what it's like to hold her in his arms.

It's not fair to Regina, or Marian.

He's a coward, but he can't walk away, and suddenly, his lips are on Regina's.

That had been the moment Regina had been ready to pull away - if not ready, then prepared. And she had almost done it, almost torn herself away from him, when she finds him against her, kissing her, and all her determination fall to the side. She gasps gently against his lips at the emotion behind his kiss, her hands not quite holding onto him as she stands there, near shocked by it. But eventually, instinct kicks him and with an almost-sob, she pushes in in return, grabbing hold of his arms so tight it might hurt and she kisses him like it's the last time. After all, it could be.

When they kiss, suddenly everything else falls away. All he can think about, all that he truly cares about right now, is her. He loves her, and he knows saying it out loud will only cause more pain, so instead, he says it silently, infusing his kiss to her lips with that feeling of love running through his heart.

He can't possibly let her go.

Cradling her face between his hands, he keeps her with him, not wanting this to end.

The kiss continues for as long as she can bear, because it has to end, she knows it does, and when she summons up the strength to pull away, she does, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. She can't say it either, but she doesn't need to, because her eyes have never said anything more.

She loves him so much. It's the only reason this hurts as much as it does. She is devastated, but what perhaps hurts more, is the fact that part of her feels like she should've known better. That it was always destined to end like this. Evil Queens never lived happily ever after.

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