dustofstars | for endingpoint

for endingpoint

[ continued from ( X )

He can see the bruises all over her and he hates even touching her like this because he worries there are even more injuries he can't see; doing CPR is brutal on the body and hers is already so fragile. But he keeps going until she finally, blessedly, takes a breath.

"I'm here, I'm right here," he presses his forehead to hers, holding onto her until the medics rush forward to take her. He's hovering, not wanting to leave her side, and he insists on riding in the ambulance with her, staying right with her the whole time.

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He holds her gaze, just standing there for a moment, studying her, trying to figure out what she's ready for, what he can do without scaring her. And he steps forward, cradling her face in his hand, and then kisses her so softly on the lips.

The kiss isn't what she expected, but in reaction, her hand reaches out to rest on his neck. She has no idea if this is a good idea for the two of them, if they really should do this. But she knows that he loves her, and she was serious when she said she wanted to try.

Once she processes that he's kissing her, Taylor kisses back, lips pressing to his as her head tilts to the side.

He feels like it's unfair to kiss her when he's not sure if she feels the same way yet. She thinks she could fall in love with him but it's no guarantee. But then she's kissing him back and he kisses her, too, not wanting to pull away just yet. He wants this with her, wants to melt into her.

Bringing a hand to the back of his head, she pulls back just a little but stays anchored to him. Her forehead presses to his, and she doesn't move from his space, doesn't push away.

"I want this," she says quietly. "I want to be....more. With you."

Taking a deep breath, Kurt reaches out to tuck some hair behind her ear, his touch gentle and almost self-soothing for him.

"You're sure? I don't want you doing this because of me, because you feel like you have to."

Reaching out, her fingers drag over the back of his hand lightly. "I don't feel like I have to. I feel like..." She trails off, ducking her head and letting out a soft laugh that's more shy and nervous than anything.

"This sounds...insane, maybe. But...I feel like...I'm supposed to. Like you're the start of something for me. My starting point."

She's said it to him before, has no memory of it, and yet, there it is, the same feelings - and she couldn't possibly know.

He almost can't believe he's hearing those words for a moment. It's exactly what she'd said to him once, when he knew she'd been about to kiss him and it had scared him at first.

Lacing their fingers together, Kurt's eyes are cast downward and he smiles softly. "You said that to me before. You said I was your starting point."

Laughing just softly, Taylor looks up at him, squeezing his hand. "I think I have really good taste," she teases lightly. And then, she lets her nose nuzzle against the side of his affectionately.

The tension he'd been holding onto finally loosens and he feels like he can catch his breath at last. Smiling, his knuckles brush over her cheek tenderly. "You told me you'd love me again. When I told you to think about doing it, wiping your memories - you said you would."

"I don't think I was wrong," Taylor whispers softly, pressing her forehead to his. "Kurt, I think I was right. Because I know. I can..." She reaches for his hand and then brings it to her chest, over her heart.

"I can feel it. I've been able to feel it, but I didn't know what it was, until...I thought I'd felt it for ten years already."

He flattens his palm against her chest, nuzzling slightly against her cheek. "Something's always gonna bring us back together."

Turning her head so that her face is pressing to the nape of his neck, she breathe in deeply, melting against him.

"Is it too much to ask if I...if I just want you to hold onto me?"

"Come here," he tugs her gently to the couch, right in front of the roaring fire. And he lays back against the cushions, pulling her into his arms so she's tucked against his chest.

Closing her eyes, Taylor curls right in against him, just breathing him in. "This feels...right. It feels like being home."

"I've missed this," he whispers. There are so many moments together they've shared, moments she doesn't remember at all. He wishes they could get that back somehow, but they have to start over and move forward.

"I don't want you to have to miss it anymore. Or miss me when I'm right here." Her fingers move back and forth over his arm lightly as he holds her, voice soft and low.

"I'm sorry I - I pushed you away at first. I didn't know if you'd love me again, I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. All I want - all I've ever wanted - was for you to be happy," he breathes out softly.

"But I understand. It's...this is the second time you've lost me now. I understand why you pushed," Taylor says quietly before pressing a kiss to his chest lightly. "I'm here now."

She can't promise, not after everything, that nothing will ever happen to her. But at least this time, she can promise one thing:

"I don't want to ever lose this again."

He doesn't want that, either. He's honestly not sure he can even bear to lose her again. It's been so long for them to get here together and he'll do anything to keep her with him.

"I promise - I promise I'll protect you. I won't let anyone take you away again," his voice shakes just slightly.

Sitting up a little further, Taylor cradles his face in her hands. "I'll fight for you," she says quietly. "Always. I should have...I think I should have before. I don't...know why I didn't, or what happened, but I think...I should have tried harder."

He doesn't want to pass judgment and say her decision was good or bad. It was what she felt like she needed to do at the time and he just wanted her to not be in pain anymore.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I keep...failing." He couldn't save her when she was a child, he couldn't save her from Carter, and the subsequent suffering she endured with the PTSD. "But you came back to me anyway."

All that she knows in her heart is that she can't let him feel that way, she can't let him think anything is his fault. So, she gets up and sits in his lap, not thinking, just needing to comfort him, cradling his face.

"You've never failed me. You didn't fail me, Kurt. Ever. You didn't. You haven't."

He doesn't know how to believe that, but he's trying. They were getting to a good place together and Carter ruined everything. Tucking his forehead to hers, Kurt's eyes close as he takes a deep breath.

"I'm trying to believe that."

Slowly, Taylor kisses across his face, every press of her lips tender and soft, and with whispered words behind them.

"I'm here with you. And all that I want is to be here. Right here with you." Ending at his lips, she lets a part of her soul into it, hoping he can feel it, feel her.

He keeps his eyes closed as she kisses his skin, letting her soothe him with those kisses. He lets out a soft breath, nuzzling against her cheek. Then her lips are on his and he clings to her, kissing her as deeply as he possibly can.

for endingpoint

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