dustofstars | for endingpoint

He can't just be okay with the snap of his fingers. He has so much guilt and pain he hasn't ever dealt with, and now there's more guilt and pain heaped on top of it. All the walls she'd knocked down are up again around his heart and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

"I'm fine," he smiles a little, lying to her. "Really. I'm fine."

She smiles just a little in return, a knot in her stomach; she doesn't feel good about this, not at all. But she has no choice other than believing him for now.

"I think for tonight, I'm ready to let it rest and go lay down. But...thank you, Kurt I know this isn't easy. It can't be. So, thank you."

"You're welcome," he nods, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder for a moment. "If you need anything, I'm here."

This time, he sleeps in his own bed, though he only manages a few hours, mostly tossing and turning and dreaming of her smiling, laughing, kissing him.

The days pass, and Taylor's starting to feel stir crazy, never really leaving the apartment. So, one evening when he gets home from work, she looks up at him. "Can we go somewhere? Anywhere, just...somewhere."

It's right around dinner time, so he nods. "I could take you out to eat. There's a place around the corner I love." It's a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant, very Authentic, casual and relaxed. Afterwards, they can walk around a little if she wants. "Just grab a coat, it'll get cold out by the time we're doing eating." He nods at the closet by the front door so she can grab any coat she wants in there.

Moving to the closet, she opens the door and pulls out a black one, draping it over her arm and letting him lead the way.

"Not that I want to...complain, it's just...being cooped up all day gets harder than you'd think."

"I get it," he nods. "I wasn't thinking about that before, but...I'll figure out a way for you get out, get some air." He leads her outside and across the street to a place called Cactus. He opens the door for her, leading her to a small table in the corner. Immediately, a bowl of homemade tortilla chips are plopped down on their table, along with fresh salsa, pico de gallo, and guacamole.

"Thanks, Maria," Kurt smiles at the server, who responds to him with his first name. So it's clear he comes here often.

"You like this place," Taylor says with a little smile, warming at the fact that he brought her somewhere he obviously enjoys, someplace he wants to be with her.

"It smells good in here," she comments as she reaches for a chip, breaking a piece off into something smaller and eating.

He spoons out a little bit of each dip onto his plate, grabbing a handful of chips and munching on them. "I've been coming here for about five years now," he nods. "Best Mexican food in the city." The cook behind the counter calls out to him and Kurt calls back with a smile, and it's clear they're all good friends.

"There's an Italian place down the street that's my favorite, too. Just kind of...built up a little network here, you know?" He dips a chip into some guacamole, enjoying the food.

She watches him, mimics him, and then she smiles at him, at how much the people here obviously like him being in the restaurant. And she likes that smile on him, the one he doesn't give her, but the people who know him.

"I'm staying with the right person then. I'll eat well at least," she tries to joke.

"I'll keep you well fed," he nods with a little smile. And when Maria comes back, Kurt orders food for them, knowing Taylor has no idea what she likes. She'd just barely started figuring herself out and then it was stripped away. About twenty minutes later, all their food comes back, and it's a lot: steak fajitas, crispy shrimp tacos, pulled pork chimichangas, chicken enchiladas, and a plate of nachos.

"Well. Dig in," Kurt waves at the food, smiling a little more easily now.

She blinks at the sheer amount of food, the smile on her face a little lopsided now as she tries to decide what to go for first. She decides on something that looks already assembled, the tacos, and takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully before humming in approval. Then, she goes for it with gusto, since she knows it's a taste she likes.

Once she gets going, she doesn't really stop, and as it turns out, she can pack in a lot of food when it's this good. It's clear that her favorite is the tacos, she eats more of those than anything, but she makes a good dent in the nachos too and even has a fajita before she's letting out a breath.

"I think if I try to eat any more I'll explode."

"You did pretty good," he smirks, looking impressed. Maria comes to box up all the leftovers for them, and Kurt wipes his mouth, leaning back in his chair and finishing off his drink. "We can walk around a bit before we head back if you want."

"I think I need to walk," Taylor comments with a small grin at him. Once they're ready, she slips on the coat and walks beside him, taking a deep breath of the chilly air.

"I really loved that. You said I like pizza too though, so...we have to try that soon. Because it's hard to imagine liking something as much as I liked that."

"We can get pizza tomorrow, if you want," he offers, stuffing his hands into his pockets and leading her down a side street that will take them to 5th Ave so they can head into the heart of the city. "It's gonna get really busy in just a minute," he tells her so she's prepared. He reaches out, though, taking her hand so she's not nervous. Then they turn a corner and they're walking down one of the busiest sidewalks in Manhattan. With the holidays approaching, the city is lit up with holiday lights, bustling with activity.

It's so much, and Taylor's hand in his tightens. He's with her, and that makes her less nervous, but it's a lot to take in. The sheer number of people is almost overwhelming. She stays close to him, eyes wide as she looks at all the lights and building, head mostly craned up as she tries to see all of the lights and billboards, mouth hanging open slightly.

"You okay?" He asks, looking over at her, squeezing her hand. He doesn't want her to feel too overwhelmed. It's a lot, maybe too much all at once.

"I just...can't believe there's this many people here," she says as she looks over at him. But she feels like she can't take her eyes off of what's directly in front of her for longer than a couple of seconds.

"But it's...beautiful. All of it is beautiful."

He looks over at her, watching the way her eyes catch the flickering lights. She's beautiful. But...he doesn't want to scare her by saying that out loud.

"A few blocks from here, there's an ice skating rink and a...big Christmas tree. The biggest one in the country. It'll go up in a few weeks and I'll bring you back so you can see it."

For now, though, he doesn't want to stay too long if she needs some breathing room. But there's a food truck selling specialty hot chocolates, among other things, and Kurt orders two drinks for them, handing her a cup and letting go of her hand to cup his drink.

"It's called hot chocolate."

With a lopsided smile, Taylor looks up at him and holds her cup, letting it warm her hands. And for a brief moment, her eyes just linger on his, watching him before finally taking a sip and humming softly. It warms her unlike anything else, and her smile widens as she looks at him again.

"This is perfect, Kurt." Her voice is softer now, and she's closer to him, sharing the warmth and smell of the drinks between them.

He holds her gaze for a moment as well, a soft smile on his lips as he gives her a friendly nod. "Glad you like it."

Once they make it back to his apartment, he figures she's ready to see the videos she recorded for herself, though not the one labeled 'Kurt' just yet. So after she's changed into her pajamas and is heading to bed, Kurt stops her, holding out the phone.

"I haven't been completely honest with you about what's happened. To protect you. Your amnesia-" He looks down at the phone and hands it to her. He's erased the video about him on the phone, saved it to his phone instead so he can show her when he thinks she's ready. "There are two videos on there. You recorded them for yourself. I know this sounds crazy, but just watch them. It explains everything."

She's absolutely puzzled, but she takes the phone and looks from it up to him. "I...knew this was going to happen?" Taylor asks, forehead creasing, not sure what to think. But she trusts him and goes to her room, settling on the bed and watching both of the videos five times, alternating back and forth. And then she goes to Kurt's room, knocking on the door looking shell shocked.

Kurt's dressed in his boxers and a long-sleeve shirt and his heart sinks to his throat when he hears the knock. He's not sure what she'll think, how she'll react to him. But he takes a deep breath and opens the door, his face a tight mask.

"You okay?"

"You found me," she says, voice breaking. "And now you've lost me again."

It all makes sense now, perfectly. She understands completely why he'd been so out of touch at first. "But..you let me do what I thought I needed," she whispers, looking up at him, tears filling her eyes.

He sucks in a breath through his nostrils, nodding to confirm. His arms cross loosely over his chest for a moment and he looks down, just for a second. But then he raises his head and meets her eyes, seeing the tears there. He can't help reaching out then, just to rest a hand on her arm.

"You...you were in a lot of pain."

for endingpoint

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